The Dedede Talk Show
by mkmkmk
Summary: ONE-SHOT One-sided Dedede and Meta Knight. Get your eyerolling ready for Dedede being a creep and for other things like Fumu.


**Click.**

_No._

**Click.**

_No._

**Click.**

_Why is he even broadcasting that? _Fumu thought as she lazily clicked past one boring channel after another. Replays. All of them. Fumu heard her little brother and Kirby wander into the room, arguing about who has the better collection of those pointless pieces of paper. What did they call them? Oh yeah, Katana cards. Apparently, it was a card game, according to Bun, about little creatures with swords that supposedly "fight" but all Fumu saw was cute and ugly hybrids of different animals holding blades on a plastic card. She held back a groan, it would only catch their attention. The television suddenly went fuzzy, and Bun and Kirby's talking stopped immediately.

"Hey, sis. What's wrong with the TV?" Bun asked, trotting over with Kirby behind him. She sat up, wincing when she heard her back popping. She looked at him, shrugging her shoulders.

"I don't kn-"

"Hello there, peasants!" The trio snapped their heads towards the telly. The screen was no longer fuzzy but now showed the ugly face of their "king". Dedede.

_Great. Just...great,_ Fumu thought glumly, _What does he want now?_

"What the..." Bun murmured in shock. Kirby narrowed his sapphire eyes at the TV. Dedede continued.

"Your handsome, kind, successful King Dedede will be hosting a new show!" The dictator laughed. Fumu rolled her eyes.

"I'm gonna throw up," she muttered, unamused. Bun and Kirby only nodded in agreement.

"He's overdoing it," Bun agreed.

"This show will be nothing like you have ever seen before!" Dedede said with enthusiasm, "Welcome! To the Dedede Talk Show!"

"Talk show?" The three repeated, exchanging semi-interested glances. Dedede laughed again.

"Yes! We will ask our guests questions of every kind! Some will be personal. Some will not. You just have to wait and see!" The fat king gestured behind him. Two armed chairs, a huge one and a "medium" sized one sat behind him. He plopped onto the large one. "Our first guest is..." He raised a hand up and the camera moved to focus on a square hole above the medium chair. Dedede snapped his fingers. There was a surprised yell and a couple seconds later a blue figure fell through the hole and landed on the chair. Fumu gasped. She stood up from the couch.

"Sir Meta Knight!?" Fumu watched as the flustered knight looked around with wide white eyes, coming to a stop at Dedede. His surprise disappeared immediately when he saw the king, replaced by an annoyed glare. Dedede chuckled.

"Sir Meta Knight! What a pleasant surprise!" The king exclaimed. Meta Knight sighed.

"Your Majesty, would you be so kind to tell me what this is all about?" The knight asked politely, though it was easily seen by Fumu that he would very much like to decapitate the king. Dedede gave another laugh.

"You are the guest for my newest broadcast! The Dedede Talk Show!" He said, still laughing. Fumu could see that Meta Knight was holding back a groan of displeasure. Not waiting to see what would happen next, Fumu bolted out the door, heading to the dungeons.

* * *

Meta Knight swore under his breath, steely yellow eyes slightly narrowed as the king rambled on about his show. Meta Knight regretted sparing the dummy's life when the idiot snuck onto the Halberd. His ship. But Meta Knight knew that relieving Dedede from his head would only cause those who volunteered to help to go against him, even though the feat would have put them in a place closer to their goal than when they had started. Meta Knight spared the king's gross, green, mistreated advisor for he actually had a brain and understood (somewhat) everything Meta Knight said.

Meta Knight knew he couldn't be that heartless, to take someone else's life. Well...at least at the moment. When he first arrived, he would've killed Dedede on spot, but violence was something Meta Knight had seen too much of. Especially as a child. Meta Knight blinked, forcing his mind to go clear of all the different ways to kill Dedede. He looked around the metallic room. It looked like the same room they supposedly ran Fumu's anime. He remembered her threatening him to never watch it. He nearly laughed in her face, but held it in upon seeing that look in her eye. He saw the fire in her eyes, fury, rage, so much negative emotion he saw. He swore he could feel how angry she was. He mentally shuddered. He remembered when Garlude was in one of those rages. He bet Jecra wished he was never born.

"Now onto the questions!" Meta Knight snapped his attention to the king.

"Questions?" He repeated to himself. Dedede laughed yet again.

"Now, Sir Meta Knight. To play this little game, you must answer all questions given to you by ME only! Understood?" Meta Knight gave him a look that said, Do I seriously have to do this? Dedede looked a bit annoyed.

"Understood?" He said through clenched teeth. Meta Knight sighed and waved for him to continue. Dedede relaxed. "Good. Ready for your first question?" Meta Knight nodded boredly.

"Carry on. I don't want to be here until I die," he muttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear. He heard some snickering, and a small smile stole across his lips. Dedede became annoyed again.

"First question: How many times have you come close to death during the war?" He asked, clenching and unclenching his meaty fists. Meta Knight clucked his tongue.

"Far too many times to keep track of," he replied nonchalantly, "but if I were to take a guess, it would be a little over one hundred thousand." Dedede gaped at him for a while, but shook it off.

"What was the highest rank you ever got?" Meta Knight gnawed at his lower lip. These questions were seriously useless to anybody.

"Second in command." Dedede looked confused.

"Of what?" Meta Knight refrained from face-palming at the king's stupidity. _That guy must have hit his head really hard when he was a kid_, Meta Knight thought, _I haven't the slightest idea of why I'm still whining about it. I should be used to his lack of brainpower by now._

"Of the entire army," the knight said. Dedede ogled at him again.

"Jeez, you must have been a really good warrior to get that," he said, clearly impressed. Meta Knight saw a quick flash of what he thought was desire in the king's eyes. Meta Knight was dumbfounded. Desire? What? He shook it off.

"Erm...thank you," he replied somewhat unsure of himself.

* * *

"You're welcome. Now onto the next questions. Now these will be a bit more personal so be wary," Dedede said to his knight. His knight merely stared at him expectantly. Gentle, but intense. Dedede thought he could have never found a better man to fall for. "Okay. What is your favorite color?" Meta Knight looked at the king as if he had grown ten heads. Dedede felt a pang of hurt inside him.

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Dedede heard the deliciously deep voice of the man of his dreams ask. Dedede felt stupid. It didn't exactly bother him that Meta Knight no longer treated him as royalty, but his tone still angered Dedede somewhat.

"I'm guessing its blue?" He said, letting his annoyance show for the third time in the last twenty minutes. His knight gave a soft sigh.

"I believe so," he said quietly. Dedede began to get a little worried. He was getting nowhere with this.

"Um... Now here's a good one! What was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?" Dedede could see that his knight was clearly taken aback by the question. His knight fidgeted in his seat, and a very awkward moment of silence passed before he spoke.

"Do I really have to answer that?" Dedede rolled his eyes.

"Yes," he said. Meta Knight looked even more nervous which was really cute if you asked Dedede. "Answer the question. That's an order," Dedede said, just in case his knight had any ideas. He knew he still had some control over the mysterious man, which aided him greatly. His knight sighed.

"When I was fifteen, I was silly enough to join Falspar and a few others in an 'innocent' game of truth of dare. I wasn't asked too often, but when I was, I always answered 'truth'. Falspar became a bit annoyed with me for always going to the 'safe side' so he called me a few names. I became greatly irritated and said that the next call on me I would choose dare. It was a foolish mistake on my behalf to not notice that it was Falspar's turn to choose who he wanted to truth or dare..." Meta Knight became quiet and had wide, white eyes as he stared at someplace past Dedede. Dedede turned to see what he was looking at. Nothing there. He turned back.

"What is it?" He asked impatiently, eager for his knight to get on with the story. Meta Knight shook his head, making Dedede's breath catch in his throat as he watched his knight's beautiful blue hair sway back and forth across his shining silver mask. Dedede blinked. He shouldn't be thinking like that. His knight would never love him.

"It's nothing," his knight muttered, his white eyes turning an adorable dark pink. He was probably really, really embarrassed. "God, I wish this wasn't on TV."

"Well, continue," Dedede said. His knight took a deep breath and the king saw his cute pink gaze flicker back to the spot past Dedede. Now this was getting annoying. Dedede looked back to the spot, but this time he saw a tiny flash of blonde before it disappeared.

"As I was saying," his knight said, gaining his attention. It seemed like he did that on purpose. "Falspar dared me to get a group of girls to go to the movies with me." He got quiet again.

* * *

_Sheesh, Meta Knight must be really embarrassed about this,_ Fumu thought, _How can Dedede be so cruel? _Fumu would've jump out and started yelling at Dedede for how unfair it was to ask such private questions, especially of someone as evasive from a social life as Meta Knight. She wondered just about how many people would be seeing this. They would all be laughing and just imagining all the taunts the knight would receive after the show was done was horrifying. Fumu leaned out to look at the knight, pity for him filling up inside her. This really was awful, but she wanted to hear the rest of the story.

"Go on," Dedede said when Meta Knight lost his voice yet again. The poor knight cleared his throat, his dark pink eyes darkening even more.

Hm, dark pink must mean he is embarrassed. Fumu made a mental note of it

"As you might know, I am a bit on the anti-social side, I'm a little...shy and I was a knight after all, so tricking women into going with me to wherever was a bit much," he murmured, twiddling his fingers. Fumu nearly giggled at that, but she cracked a smile. She had never seen Meta Knight so nervous. He was always calm and collected, especially around her. She knew that the situation was difficult but she couldn't help it. He looked so funny when he was being out of character.

"I tried to argue with Falspar, despite knowing that it was useless, but the 'truth or dare oath' we had to take was what helped him win. He used it and my reputation against me so I had to give in. I did the dare and nearly killed Falspar after realizing that he video taped the entire thing and showed a bunch of other soldiers it," he finished. Dedede bit his lip.

"Ouch," he said, "Was the whole 'get a group of girls to go to the movies with you' thing a success?" Meta Knight flinched.

Fumu lost it.

"YOU DESPICABLE, ROTTEN, BRAINLESS PIECE OF CRAP! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR OWN BODYGUARD!?"

* * *

Meta Knight whipped his head around to stare at Fumu. Her eyes were full of rage, her fists clenched in fury, a furious animal in Meta Knight's eyes. Dedede stood up.

"COMMERCIAL BREAK!" He yelled. Fumu growled like a dog with rabies and lunged at the king, grabbing him by his robe and flipping him over onto his back, him letting loose a groan of pain. Meta Knight stood as well, eyes white in shock.

"Fumu!" She glanced at him before returning to her work of beating the living shit out of King Dedede.

"META KNIGHT! YOU METAL HEADED DUMMY! GET THIS RABBID WOMAN OFF OF ME!" Pushing away the rude names the king gave him, Meta Knight obeyed, grabbing Fumu's arms, as gently as he could, and pulled her away from the helpless idiot she was attacking. She clawed at the knight, trying to get away. He pressed her arms to her sides and brought her closer to him until she was only three inches from him. She continued to squirm and kick at him, desperately trying to get to Dedede to possibly rip his guts out. The king stood up and hefted his two ton hammer like a simple toy.

Meta Knight's eyes widened even more. He couldn't let Dedede hurt Fumu. Meta Knight stepped away and Dedede's hammer smashed into the ground.

"Yes, the 'get a group of girls to go to the movies with me' _was_ a success," Meta Knight said before pulling his cape around him and Fumu.

* * *

They reappeared in Meta Knight's room. The two of them stared at each other for while before Fumu cross her arms and said, "He's gay."

"I assumed so."


End file.
